A Brief Commentary on the Question of HIV and AIDS

By Thabo Mbeki
7 March 2016

“The first report on the incidence of HIV in South and Southern Africa was published in the “New England Journal of Medicine” and the “South African Medical Journal”, both in 1985.

Two of the most important findings in this report were that in our country and region:

HIV infection was confined to male homosexuals; and,HIV was not endemic in this region of the world.
To quote this report, it said:

“The only positive subjects were in the group compromising male homosexuals. The majority of these positive subjects had either recently been to the United States or had had sexual contact with other homosexuals who had visited the United States… Our preliminary data show that the agent implicated in causing AIDS, HTLV-III (later named HIV), is not endemic in this part of Africa.”

During the same year, October 1985, German researchers had an article published in the British medical journal, The Lancet. They stated that:

“the data suggest that HTLV-III was rare in Africa until recently, and still is rare in much of the continent.”

Some of our friends, the friends of the Africans, say that five years later, this situation had changed completely. They say that now, in our region and country, the HI Virus was transmitted heterosexually and that it had become endemic.

The point made in the 1985 report about male homosexuals and HIV coincided with what science said about the incidence of HIV in the United States and Western Europe at the time.

To all intents and purposes, 15 years later, this situation has not changed both in the US and in Western Europe. But, as we have said, and as is generally known, our own situation has changed radically, resulting also in it being said that we now have the highest incidence of HIV or the spread of HIV in the world.

The question that arises from this is – why! Why does the same Virus behave differently in the US and Western Europe from the way it behaves in Southern Africa!

It would seem obvious that this question must be asked. If we are interested in the advance of scientific knowledge, the better to understand the African human condition, it is imperative that an answer be found.

It would seem equally obvious that for us successfully to deal with the HI Virus as it affects us, we need to understand what induces it to behave differently in different parts of the world.

In answer to these questions, some of our friends, the friends of the Africans, say that we are affected by a particular type or variant of the HI Virus, which is unique to ourselves and which also mutates at a high frequency rate.

However, this answer throws up new questions. Why is this special type of HI Virus confined only to our region of the world! Why does it not spread to other areas, even within Africa! What happened to the 1985 South African HI Virus which behaved in the same way as the US and West European HI Virus! If it mutated into what it is today, why did it not mutate in the same way in the US and Western Europe!

Once more, scientifically substantiated answers to these questions are necessary to enable us to defeat the HI Virus as it affects us. It would seem only logical, once the assertion was made that ours is a unique HI Virus, that, consequently, unique solutions have to be found to respond to this distinct situation.

Up to now, no answers have been provided to any of the questions that have been posed. Instead, in the name of science and friendship with the Africans, the omnipotent apparatus of which (Herbert) Marcuse wrote, has sought to present honest questions as a manifestation of unacceptable non-conformity.

It has done everything it could, and continues to act, to punish those who dare to ask questions. It uses its might, sustained by the self-repression of the Africans, to ensure the permanent repression of those who inquire.”

Thirteen (13) years later today I would stand by everything said in this excerpt and still ask that the questions posed should be answered by those who have the scientific capacity to do so!

Am I wrong in this regard?

PROFESSOR MONTAGNIER – HIV & AIDS

You will recall that (the French) Prof Luc Montagnier shared the 2008 Nobel Prize for Medicine, awarded to him as a tribute for having been a co-discoverer of the HI virus (HIV).

Later he appeared in a video documentary done by a Canadian, Brent Leung, entitled “House of Numbers”, which canvassed many views on the issue of HIV and AIDS. Here is a transcript of his comments in the documentary:

Leung [the filmmaker]: You talked about oxidative stress earlier. Is treating oxidative stress one of the best ways to deal with the African AIDS epidemic?

Montagnier [the scientist]: I think this is one way to approach, to decrease the rate of transmission, because I believe HIV we can be exposed to HIV many times without bring chronically infected, our immune system will get rid of the virus within a few weeks, if you have a good immune system; and this is the problem also of the African people.

Their nutrition is not very equilibrated, they are in oxidative stress, even if they are not infected with HIV; so their immune system doesn’t work well already. So it’s prone, it can, you know, allow HIV to get in and persist.

So there are many ways which are not the vaccine, the magic name, the vaccine, many ways to decrease the transmission just by simple measures of nutrition, giving antioxidants — proper antioxidants — hygiene measures, fighting the other infections. So they are not spectacular, but they could, you know, decrease very well the epidemic, to the level they are in occidental countries, western countries.

Leung: So if you have a good immune system, then your body can naturally get rid of HIV?

Montagnier: Yes.

Leung: Oh, interesting. Do you think we should have more of a push for antioxidants, and things of that nature, in Africa than antiretrovirals (AIDS drugs)?

Montagnier: We should push for more, you know, a combination of measures; antioxidants, nutrition advice, nutritions, fighting other infections — malaria, tuberculosis, parasitosis, worms — education of course, genital hygiene for women and men also, very simple measures which [are] not very expensive, but which could do a lot. And this is my, actually my worry about the many spectacular action for the global funds to buy drugs and so on, and Bill Gates and so on, for the vaccine.

But you know those kind of measures (I am suggesting) are not very well funded, they’re not funded at all, or they are, you know, it really depends on the local government to take choice of this, but local governments they take advice of the scientific advisors from the intelligent institutions, and they don’t get this kind of advice very often.

Leung: Well there’s no money in nutrition, right? There’s no profit.

Montagnier: There’s no profit, yes. Water is important. Water is key.

Leung: Now one thing you said, you were talking about the fact that if you have a built immune system, it is possible to get rid of HIV naturally. If you take a poor African who’s been infected and you build up their immune system, is it possible for them to also naturally get rid of it?

Montagnier: [Nodding yes] I would think so.

Leung: That’s an important point.

Montagnier: It’s important knowledge which is completely neglected. People always think of drugs and vaccine. So this is a message which may be different from what you heard before, no?

Leung: The closing?

Montagnier: No, no, yes, my message, it’s different from what you heard from (Anthony) Fauci or…

Leung: Yes, it’s a little different.

Montagnier: Little different.

Please note: As you know, the Anthony Fauci to whom Montagnier refers is the leading US Government expert on HIV and AIDS and Director of the US Government National Institute of Allergy and Infectious Diseases (NIAID).

We said very much the same things about HIV and AIDS as did Prof Montagnier, including on

The critical importance of nutrition, The need for a multi-faceted intervention to treat sick people who were also suffering from immune deficiency, and The need to use antiretroviral (ARV) drugs with great care and caution, mindful of the vital importance of a healthy immune system.

[I must also mention that I never said “HIV does not cause AIDS”. This false accusation was made by people who benefitted from trumpeting the slogan “HIV causes AIDS” as though this was a religious edict. What I said is that “a virus cannot cause a syndrome”.

As you know, AIDS is an acronym for “Acquired Immune Deficiency Syndrome” – therefore AIDS is a syndrome, i.e. a collection of well-known diseases, with well-known causes. They are not, together, caused and cannot be caused by one virus! I said that HIV might be a contributory cause of immune deficiency – the ID in AIDS!]

However the question I wanted to pose arising from the Montagnier interview above is:

Why were we wrong when we said the things Prof Montagnier said, while these were correct when he said them?

MORTALITY & CAUSES OF DEATH in SOUTH AFRICA

The institution called Statistics South Africa (Statssa) is the official statistical authority in our country. It handles all statistics including such matters as the Population Census, the Socio-Economic Survey, Mortality statistics etc. [You can access Statssa on the Internet.]

Every year it publishes a Report on Mortality and Causes of Death. This is not an estimate, as is the case in many of our countries, but is based on the record of deaths and their causes which have to be reported to the Department of Home Affairs, with each Death Notice and its details certified by a Medical Doctor.

Below is an extract from the Statssa Report on:

Mortality and causes of death in South Africa, 2006: Findings from death notification

Table 4.4: The ten leading underlying natural causes of death, 2006

Causes of death (Based on the Tenth Revision, International Classification of Disease, 1992)

​ Rank​ Number​ ​%
​Tuberculosis (A15-A19)* ​1 ​77 009 ​12.7
​Influenza and pneumonia (J10-J18) ​2 ​52 791 ​8.7
Intestinal infectious diseases (A00-A09)​ ​3 ​39 239 ​6.5
Other forms of heart disease (I30-I52)​ ​4 ​26 628 ​4.4
Cerebrovascular diseases (I60-I69)​ ​5 ​25 246 ​4.2
Diabetes mellitus (E10-E14) ​ ​ 6 ​19 549 ​3.2
​Chronic lower respiratory diseases (J40-J47) ​7 ​15 823 ​2.6
​Certain disorders -immune mechanism (D80-D89) ​8 ​15 736 ​2.6
Human immunodeficiency virus [HIV](B20-B24)​ ​9 ​14 783 ​2.4
​Ischaemic heart diseases (I20-I25) ​10 ​13 025 ​2.1
​Other natural causes ​ ​ 254741 ​42.0
​Non-natural causes ​ ​52614 ​8.7
​All causes ​ ​607184 ​100.0

As you will have seen from the above, what Statssa recorded as deaths from “HIV disease” came 9th in terms of the leading causes of death in South Africa in 2006, as indeed it did also in the preceding years.

I am convinced that it would be perfectly understandable that the normal, thinking African would ask the questions:

Why did it come about that so much noise was made internationally about the 9th leading cause of death in our country, with not even so much as a whimper about the 1st leading cause of death, tuberculosis?

Why would the South African Government, knowing the health condition of its own population very well, have been expected so to focus on the 9th leading cause of death as virtually to treat as less urgent and important the first eight (8) leading causes of death, even taken together?

Did this have to do with the fact that South Africa could be a lucrative market for the sale of ARVs, as it now is?

[You might know that our first democratic administration, from 1994 to 1999, had a major confrontation with the pharmaceutical companies about the pricing of their products in South Africa. In the end they admitted that we were right. However they insisted that

They would sell their products in our country at prices which the well-off white South African population could afford, that If they accepted our decision to buy their products wherever they were cheapest (a practice called using parallel imports), this would set a bad example for the rest of the developing world, They would price their products in South Africa bearing in mind that South Africa serves as a role model for other developing countries, and As commercial companies they have no choice but to pursue the profit motive! From all this you can see why it was absolutely necessary for “the AIDS industry” that South Africa was whipped into line so that it sets an example by being an enthusiastic purchaser of ARVs!]

CONCLUSION

The “Prelude” in the “Castro Hlongwane…” booklet includes this quotation:

“In money terms, first there is the pharmaceutical industry. If AIDS in Africa is now a national security threat, as President Clinton has declared, American money will be appropriated for the very expensive drugs to spend in Africa – billions of dollars of potential profits.

If Washington doesn’t appropriate funds, there’s the fear that African nations might buy generic, foreign-made copies of U.S. drugs. Then there is the public health establishment. More billions can go for salaries, offices, staffing, travel and long reports. The World Health Organisation budget has skyrocketed along with African AIDS statistics.

Many public health officials are well meaning, seeing AIDS fears as the only way to get money to help the misery afflicting so much of Africa. In America, government AIDS money is spreading far and wide. Federal spending now tops $10 billion and is increasing yearly even as caseloads fall.”

(AIDS Hype in Africa? No HIV Test Required, Disease Defined Differently Than in U.S., by Jon Basil Utley, Robert A. Taft Fellow at the Ludwig von Mises Institute, USA, April 30, 2000.)

In 2000 I addressed the 13th International AIDS Conference which was held in our country in Durban. Here is part of what I said:

“Let me tell you a story that the World Health Organisation told the world in 1995. I will tell this story in the words used by the World Health Organisation.”

“This is the story: The world’s biggest killer and the greatest cause of ill-health and suffering across the globe is listed almost at the end of the International Classification of Diseases. It is given the code Z59.5 – extreme poverty.

“Poverty is the main reason why babies are not vaccinated, why clean water and sanitation are not provided, why curative drugs and other treatments are unavailable and why mothers die in childbirth. It is the underlying cause of reduced life expectancy, handicap, disability and starvation.

Poverty is a major contributor to mental illness, stress, suicide, family disintegration and substance abuse. Every year in the developing world 12.2 million children under 5 years die, most of them from causes which could be prevented for just a few US cents per child. They die largely because of world indifference, but most of all they die because they are poor.”

“Beneath the heartening facts about decreased mortality and increasing life expectancy, and many other undoubted health advances, lie unacceptable disparities in wealth.

The gaps between rich and poor, between one population group and another, between ages and between sexes, are widening.

For most people in the world today every step of life, from infancy to old age, is taken under the twin shadows of poverty and inequity, and under the double burden of suffering and disease.”

“Castro Hlongwane…” says:

“Given that our minds on this matter (of HIV and AIDS) have become thoroughly clogged by the information communicated by the omnipotent apparatus, a miracle will have to be achieved to get all our people to use their brains, rather than perish on emotional responses based on greatly heightened levels of fear.”

In this regard, was “Castro Hlongwane…” wrong?

Was the WHO wrong?

Was Jon Basil Utley wrong?

Let’s talk about strengths

In Martin Seligman’s words, ‘Psychology is half-baked, literally half-baked. We have baked the part about mental illness. We have baked the part about repair and damage. But the other side is unbaked. The side of strengths, the side of what we are good at, the side…of what makes life worth living.”

True, we are so weakness-oriented. Weaknesses do have an enornous impact on our successs victories. And there has been a lot of focus on minimising this impact.

Is there any focus on maximising our talents? I think society needs more of that.

To be continued…

Lessons from a bank robbery

A friend posted the below story on Facebook, I found it illuminating.

“During a robbery in Guangzhou, China, the bank robber shouted to everyone in the bank: “Don’t move. The money belongs to the State. Your life belongs to you.”

Everyone in the bank laid down quietly. This is called “Mind Changing Concept” Changing the conventional way of thinking.

When a lady lay on the table provocatively, the robber shouted at her: “Please be civilized! This is a robbery and not a rape!”

This is called “Being Professional” Focus only on what you are trained to do!

When the bank robbers returned home, the younger robber (MBA-trained) told the older robber (who has only completed Year 6 in primary school): “Big brother, let’s count how much we got.”

The older robber rebutted and said: “You are very stupid. There is so much money it will take us a long time to count. Tonight, the TV news will tell us how much we robbed from the bank!”

This is called “Experience.” Nowadays, experience is more important than paper qualifications!

After the robbers had left, the bank manager told the bank supervisor to call the police quickly. But the supervisor said to him: “Wait! Let us take out $10 million from the bank for ourselves and add it to the $70 million that we have previously embezzled from the bank”.

This is called “Swim with the tide.” Converting an unfavorable situation to your advantage!

The supervisor says: “It will be good if there is a robbery every month.”

This is called “Killing Boredom.” Personal Happiness is more important than your job.

The next day, the TV news reported that $100 million was taken from the bank. The robbers counted and counted and counted, but they could only count $20 million. The robbers were very angry and complained: “We risked our lives and only took $20 million. The bank manager took $80 million with a snap of his fingers. It looks like it is better to be educated than to be a thief!”

This is called “Knowledge is worth as much as gold!”

The bank manager was smiling and happy because his losses in the share market are now covered by this robbery.

This is called “Seizing the opportunity.” Daring to take risks!”

Forced conversations

This is more of a personal opinion than a professional opinion. Basically, not an improvement on the previous posts.

I need to rant. We need to get real.

I feel like we, as generation Y, tend to try too much. Too much, as in the context of, unnecessarily. That saying about buying items to impress your least favourite people – has never resonated more.

Some people invest a lot of time, money, effort, energy – to get a perfect selfie. That’s how you become a genius. You took a selfie on top of a gator fighting for his life with a tiger? Well done, you have won in life. Only in this generation.

The most awesome selfie is not even the end of it. We do a lot to inject meaningless in our lives. We convert to a religion I’d like to call = Pretentianity.

Here’s how to be a Pretentian

1. You need to convince yourself beyond reasonable doubt that your relationship/friendship is stale and kind of dead-end
2. Then, the most important part – this is like writing your holy book – you need to identify ways to initiate, develop or maintain a relationship/friendship
3. Preaching is a must – how do execute the above step? who’s going to teach me? So, you most probably going to reflect to your past, friend’s advice, quick internet search, etc – to learn some deceitful tricks.
4. Baptism – you can’t back down now. You need to endure the excruciating pain of faking an interest, a connection or even worse – a conversation. I regard it as a worst because of it’s power to influence other things people fake.

The trick with being a Pretentian is not really the above four steps. No, that was not a guideline – but rather an illustration in a typical scenario.

Maybe it’s time I lock horns with the bull.

Not only are you exhausting yourself, but everyone around you. One needs not to be brilliant to see when someone is scooting off a mechanical conversations.

There is lack of one of the key and main characteristic of a great chat – sincerity.

How can you be possibly sincere when you sat in your desk, rolling a pen with your fingers, staring at the roof while unconsciously whistling just to prepare yourself to call your girlfriend/boyfriend.

What? That’s rubbish. You two love each other. Or is it “you two love the people you pretend to be”. No guys, you need to be yourselves. Being yourself does not necessarily mean being incapable to change or compromise to please your partner/friend.

It means, you are honest about who you are, who might be and who you want to be. That kind of effort is not painful because it speaks to You as a soul, body, mind and spirit. And only when you’re honest with yourself, you can be honest about yourself. When you project honesty, what do you attract – refer to the law attraction.

One of my favourite high schools was a song that chorused “If you wanna be happy for the rest of your life, never make a pretty girl your wife”. Ha! I don’t know about pretty wives, but I certainly drew inspiration here. That humans are not machines, you don’t put a few items together to obtain what you need. It simply doesn’t work.

So, don’t try to create perfect relationships/friendships. That is a natural process – the feeling will be mutual and will move freely and effortlessly in both directions. The more effort you put into it, it’s an act – rehearsed and time-wasting.

Keep it simple, as simplicity is the ultimate sophistication.

Avoid girls that…

1. Can’t see you without make-up – unless you have no qualms with a shallow soul being a possible mother to your daughter. And if that is out of the question, then you might want to rethink your question. You do, and should care what your daughter’s mom will teach her about beauty. Her first comments when your daughter comes home from a sports day at school are probably tormenting to even the deafest of ears, “damn you look so greasy, you will never get a boy looking like that”. I’m not a scientist but vanity is genetically coded – no lies. Okay, lies. But I guess if you are patient enough to to wait for her to see the light some day, that there’s more to beauty than rosy cheeks – go for it.

2. Cooks a meal for you – there is a well-known adage that the easiest route to a man’s heart is through his digest. So, you’re basically an easy mouse that has fallen prey to the capturer’s trap. It’s not her fault though – maybe she thought you’d be smart enough to calculate and analyse the difference between romance and bowel movements. Her being a good cook has nothing to do with her dire need to be a good wife – maybe her step mom beat her to it (pun intended) or she just loved eating (this cant revealed by weight, considering genes and varying metabolisms). There are few things to consider before you get confused and fall for whoever dishes – what happens when you get used to her used and now it kinda tastes like sand. Your senses are wearing off. Will you still “love her edges and her curves”. I’m simply saying it’s idiotic to fall for someone based on the abilities in the kitchen. But to be honest, I’d never deny myself such pleasure, but not without the scene where I shout “thanks for dinner” as I sprint out.

3. Always say “Are you gonna buy me something nice?” – her screws in what might seem like a head are probably not in their proper positions. Or maybe she’s just ghetto. This, as you folks might be familiar with as well, is a possible response to an invite. One could easily substitute that with “how much are you gonna pay?” – there is absolutely no difference there. The issue is not that she might need a little help, but the fact that she asked for it after you requested her company. Considering the context and the timing, it’s a brilliant trading plot. I think the politically correct term is prostitution. This seems to be most common with born-frees, and might be a splendid arrangement when your EQ/IQ, as a guy, is too low for your peers. So, knock yourself out. Not judging.

4. Are careerists – we all know those nauseating and repulsing people whose first question when they met you was “what do you do?”. This can actually be a great question if you’re a doctor, lawyer or any of the common professions that don’t need further explanations. But you don’t necessarily have to avoid this question as its posers are usually financially insecure. So, a simple “I go to work and make money” should do the trick. But don’t take my word for it. If she asks “How much are we talking about?” – run as if you just saw the devil approaching. The resemblance was striking, wasn’t it?. You see, the main issue are the resulting mental illnesses from the pressure to “make more” and “be more”. You’ll fizzle before you sizzle. 

5. Have no sense of humour. Just kidding, we all have a sense of humour. Mine is dry, for example, which means I always put myself in those situations where I have to say “I was joking”. The joke was in the implication and I had no facial expression to back it up. Something like, “I want a job as a mirror cleaner. I can actually see myself doing it”. Before I drift off, let’s crack the bottle. We all know those people, who, even after we’ve told them it was a joke – will remain angry, argumentative, challenging for a while. Then give you a well-deserved silent treatment, but who minds the humour-less shutting up for a bit? These people make me a little uneasy about hell – because they’d be there.

6. Can’t cook. Okay, I don’t mean to contradict myself from the second point but – this ain’t on at all. What was she doing while her mom was cooking? Spend her teenage years roaming the streets? That’s a scary thought. But we’re not making assumptions – just asking questions. There’s also a possibility that her mom was a drunkard or she went to a boarding school. But, yup – TURN OFF. If she has no interests in domestic matters, she must just get a wife. Man are held to the same standards as well, a friend once told me “If he cant change a tyre, I cant trust him with my life at all”.

7. Are overly-emotional. We have all met those ladies who try by any means necessary to drag us to their miserable and sticky emotional bandwagons. All you have to do to set this ticking time bomb off, is to ask her a simple questions that might have required “it’s cool”, like “how is the cup I bought you.” Such an easy question leads to a story about her dreams which indicated that she will receive a gift from a special person, and her horoscope requested she awaits a pleasant surprised. Flippen hell. At this point, you already regret having bought the damn cup.

On a serious note – I know that these are peculiar traits we tend to have to deal with now and then. But I also know that these sort of things should not matter – they are just a grain of sand in an ocean. The ocean might have salt, but we all know it’s great effects too well – the comforting, soothing effect.

Besides, relationships are hardly built on the things we find appealing or not. It’s ideally just two people who care about each other more than they care about themselves. There are simply no formulae, calculations, deductions or logic. Just mysteries. I hope this last bit dissolves all counter-arguments you built up as you were reading 🙂

We hate ourselves…

Deny it all you want, or jump on into my boat cause the harbour is closing down. Self-loath has become more apparent now. Let’s just face the music by considering these 5 points.

1. Mirrors torture parts of us we did not even know they existed. Think of the times you looked at yourself in a mirror, from your hair to your shoes but never made eye contact with yourself. You are simply scared to discover the truth, opposite to the sweet nothings from people around you.

2. So now, with the scrap of confidence from all these various external sources you headed out to the mall and fallen for your seemingly easiest prey. Have you wondered if you’re capable to love another human being when you cant even share a moment with the window of your soul in a reflection?

3. You hop from these meaningless interactions to avoid the discovery of who you are. You already know that’s the subsequent outcome of spending too much time with yourself. All the great illusions you’re holding onto might just prove to be false. The truth can be a tricky devil.

4. The idea that you can go to zoo lake (alone) and let nature open you up is quite scary to many because they might really be who they think they are. But running away from yourself is an endless marathon, that you can only complete when you quit. You can hop from person to person, hoping they will provide you with your better half but God gave you yourself only – and thought it would be enough.

5. Running and hopping gets tiring at some point. The sad reality is, you will have to stop and search within. People who used all their energy and dynamism in their 20’s to jog away from themselves will certainly go through the middle-age crisis. 10 years from now, you will find yourself and you will regret everything. Your wife, kids, job, etc. Crisis!

My point is, be a loner sometimes. Spend loads of time thinking about yourself. Know yourself to the depths of the rivers you listened to. Stare to a point where you would not be bothered if mirrors went extinct. That already covers your physical, spiritual and emotional being. This will direct your approach in embracing yourself. You don’t really love anything until you love it’s weaknesses. Love yours, then you might just fall for others. Seamlessly. Effortlessly. Life long.

Be a soul mate

I find it quite ridiculous that we are all in a long queue to get a soul mate from a closed till. Well, maybe not all of us are in that queue – there are many of us who have chosen the practical route of buying online. I can understand the sexiness of convenience. Their checklist is their bible of true love with a healthy mix of petty (e.g. laid-back ears) or sentimental (e.g. listens to my mumbo jumbo).

My question is, and maybe my challenge to you – can you let that bible collect dust? Have you thought about why people say there’s no love anymore? Instead of loving people and using things, we do the opposite. I think the main reason for this is reasoning. Intelligence has become the number one reason for lack of true love. Think about this biblical story – God loved us so much He gave up His only son to save us. What would you give to express love without expecting a RoI? What “things” would you compromise to be in love? We can all agree that love is not self-seeking and the only way to express love is by giving. I can’t imagine a receiver saying “Thank you for this gift, it shows that I really love you”.

It really is impractical to think a checklist can lead you to the one. It’s merely a tool to rank a person’s competency to be your partner. It’s like a job description. The profile, appearance, attitude and experience might impress you. Does that mean the person will deliver to your expectations? See, people are more complex that what they choose to show you. Hence we have all concluded there is just no way of spotting. It’s a throw of a dice.
On the other end, where there is a gleam of hope – you can be a soul-mate. Was it not Ghandi who said “Be the change you want to see in the world”. The guy might have a tuk-tuk as his primary transportation; he might be one-legged or had a viral sex tape – who cares? Why let these superfluous traits be so significant in your choice of a partner? I know people who have liked someone but they were just not “Godly” enough. There’s also an enormous consideration of a friend/family’s opinion.

The attempt to be rational about love is just a dull passport to disappointment. We simply cannot ignore that we love with our heats, not our brains. Reasoning can only be applied to certain fields – not love. Can you be disappointed if you consciously picked the irrational choice? This is not en encouragement to turn a blind eye to fundamental personality and needs – a possessive person is mostly likely to considering setting their cheating partner on a blazing fire.

Fear is a huge impediment to this approach. You have probably imagined a thousand ways this could go wrong in the split second between the last and this paragraph. Yes, this is a senseless and idiotic approach, and “reason” agrees. Romeo and Juliet, two of the most famous idiotic characters in the history of fiction – all they did was ignore any reason to terminate their relationship. These two are adores worldly, perhaps an emulation should be considered?

Imagine a world where people love truly, wholeheartedly. We do not lose our faith in humanity, just because we know the rotten. We do not deny ourselves the opportunity of love just because our checklist had something else in mind. Imagine if, every single time you said “I love you”, you meant it with every ounce of your being. Can we imagine a world where the capacity to love one another super exceeds our appreciation for material and blushing cheeks. Most of all, imagine if you adopted this, and followed: your friend/son/daughter/uncle/neighbour/colleague. The next generation would watch Notebook and wonder if Noah loved her enough? That would be an amazing world. It all starts with you.

I went to church…

It had been a while since I swore to never step my foot in a church again. Long story short: anger radiating from “failed” relationship with God. Well, that’s another story for another day.

It’s true what they say, that when you don’t like something or someone, everything they do grinds your teeth. So I had been in a fault-finding mission for quite a while, and my gratitude goes to psychologists, scientists, philosophers and all knowledge seekers – for being my allies in this mission. Well, until this mad genius trumped everything that I had built and when my wall was down – he assured me it’s perfectly scientific to say “I don’t know”. Science has unknowns, apparently. Before I could even finish those three words, he shouted “Hallelujah”. Anyway, I did mention that he’s nuts.

At that stage, my relationship with Him still had Robin Thicke’s hit single. And consequently, a friend of mine invited me to what she thought would be an eye opening and enlightening function – at her church. They had created a play on the story of Christ and the different relationships we have with Him and how that translates to your destiny. I could relate to some characters, to a certain extent. In the way they struggled to believe He’s there for everyone. But here’s the thing – He knows us best, right? Doesn’t that mean He should know that pain demands to be felt, and He should obviously accept that it’ll change everything we have been doing before it kicked-in. My point is, He should be a bit realistic. If you cheat to your partner, resulting into a break up – you, as the heart-breaker, should understand the breakup, right? And I also found it quite contradictory that Lucifer punishes bad people cause from what I hear he’s not that great himself.

Something profound was depicted in those plays though, that we all know, but don’t act like we do – is that life is short. Well, because it was a Christian play, they just had to remind us that your life might end while you’re not “right with God”. It somehow feels like it’s a one-sided relationship where everything is your responsibility. In making it work. Well, I guess He doesn’t need you. But I agree with the message, don’t put Him off for another day because you don’t know if you’ll have that chance. The reason I agree with that is because I don’t believe in holding anything for the future – even my banker would attest to that. But my concern with righteousness is that it doesn’t prioritise leaving this world a better place. We become so concerned about our lives, and our after lives that we don’t stop to think – what can I do to transform the world? I wish this was the bible’s ultimate message, and what every pastor constantly spoke about. Somewhere in the bible, “love is not self-seeking”.

In closing, churches are all the same, the approaches and scales are different. I felt like home. That pastor’s persistent manipulation to ensure everyone walks away a believer is always there – just a bit civilised. The church I grew up in used to say worse things like “you might die on your way out”, talk about fear as a powerful instrument. That’s the worst thing to experience when you go to church, next to that guilt-inducing plea to donate money to the church. But honestly, that was the most excitement I have had in a really long time. Not sure if it’s the AK47-carrying security guard, Marvin Gaye double banger (hope his father doesn’t kill him), pay toilets, the bookshop with so many good books (their prices needed more faith than I could afford), the people or the overall liberal environment.

It’s ok not be okay…right?

Recently I’ve been seriously considering the idea of me talking to a qualified stranger about my problems. Qualified to lend an ear and assure me that my possible explanation is exactly correct. I intend not to disrespect Psychologists or Therapists, in fact their profession has contributed towards a better society in ways I could not imagine. But personally I utterly refuse to see a professional, for me it’s okay not to be okay…

I don’t expect any of my days to be perfect, not even my life. Yes maybe I would hope and pray it would be a great day but when it takes the opposite direction, I embrace my disappointment. It’s not within my power to control how each of my days will go. I have been interested in this theory about expectations – the higher the expectations, the bigger the disappointment. You probably thinking “that does not mean go through life expecting the worst”. My friend, I have really high expectations and set high standards in my life – but I don’t expect “perfect”. I acknowledge that within my expectations, time frames, location, someone’s reaction etc might change. I might have to pray harder, I might have to work harder, or better yet, just change my mind. When you can change your mind, you can easily accept the change in circumstances.

Live large and always remain happy. Life can be really long when you screw things up.

Convince yourself…

Yeah, that awkward when you say something like “I’m single and happy” and your friend is happy to giggle and say “convince yourself”. I know you read “moment” from the previous sentence. It could be a writing error or a reading error, you decide…please keep your high school english teacher’s comments in mind.

So today I just want talk about being single, cause I don’t get why everyone feels sorry for single people. You would think having a partner will actually bring you happiness. I guess it all comes down to preferences, as Chris Rock laid out the only options we have in life; “single and lonely” or “married and miserable”. How would anyone know which one is better? The pros and cons will be different for each of us. For example, when some people are single they get to sleep around. Or in a case of a strong-willed woman the ability to make her own decisions. Bottom line, the pros of being single depend on you…lonely bastard! But when it comes to marriage or commitment the pros are all the same, security. So you wake up one day and think to yourself…”I know there’s someone out there  smarter, hotter and just generally better…but am tired of all this dating, let me just commit myself now”. Damn you are out of your mind. Well, besides other unfortunate circumstances such as arranged marriages, kids, desperation, etc. I personally think if there was a lie detector involved in weddings, and just when you say “I do”…it exposes your lying a$$ and the pastor calls it off; there would be very few married people in this planet. Cause very few get married because they are actually in love, it’s mostly just about giving in to social pressures. Family, community or peers. Like smoking, would you do it if you didn’t want to be perceived as “cool”?

I choose to be single and lonely…till I run out of ideas of how to quench my loneliness. Goodluck doing the same with your misery.